Sweetheart, What Have You Done

This post is mostly a gap filler, a standby, on the way to cooler things. I wanted to let you know that I am still alive and kicking, despite my unusually long absence. Said absence is both because I've been washed out and overwhelmed by Christmas, and because I'm preparing something creative that takes quite a bit of time and effort. I hope you (and I) find it worth the wait. However, I also want to update you a bit on my life, and my blog, and what the deal is with all this. Look at these miscellaneous photos while you read, they might make it more interesting.

I felt it important to mention that my blogging style will be changing a bit, both in writing and content. It's been a step too far in the direction of 'English Assignment on Non-Fiction Writing', and it's making me gag. It's funny really, how quickly attitudes can change - what felt professional two weeks ago now feels childish, and what was serious feels silly. What I want to be changes almost daily, from delicate to fierce and from dark to playful, and I think the reason that this (school) year has seemed like such a period of transformation, is that I am ultimately getting closer to what I really  want to be. Teenagerhood as a whole exists almost exclusively so that we can try out as many personas as we wish, before finding the one that fits well enough to carry into adulthood.

 

I've discovered that I like the fierceness of clunking shoes and sharp eyebrows - why bother trying to shrink and hide when I can stand as tall as a mountain (a 6'1" mountain) and pierce enemies with my eyeliner? I like  the boldness of bare legs all through winter. The solid britishness of kilts and wispy plaits. The carefree, go-wherever attitude of old jeans and a rucksack. The person I want to be is relaxed and invulnerable, exciting in her disregard for rules. She can make the best out of situations and make a friend out of anyone willing. She is me at my best, amplified, with a slip of extra vigour.

 

Eccentricity has always appealed to me, but I've never been quite sure why - I suppose some would say it's the pretentious hipster in me, always striving to be different, but that isn't quite right (if I am a hipster, it is with good reason). I think I hit upon the real matter last night while watching a programme about Dave Allen, who had a penchant for eccentrics. He explained that it wasn't madness - he was never looking for mad people - but a passion to do what you wanted, no matter what anybody else thought. That seems like a wonderful freedom to me.

 

 

And now comes the point at which I've put off publishing this post for several days, and no longer have the faintest clue what I've written. I do remember that I thought most of this up in the bath - that's the Archimedes in me - so don't be too harsh if it doesn't make any sense. Not all my future posts will be so stream-of-consciousness-y, and my overall content probably won't be that noticeably different, but I'm glad I've given it a try. Let me know what you think! Even if you hate it - I probably will too in a few weeks (or days).

 

 

All photos were taken by me, and the art in them is mine.

I may post them on tumblr.

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