I've put together a wee mini-playlist for you to listen to while you read this - or any other time you feel like a little dose of subdued, slightly melancholic reflection. These are all tunes I've been chilling to non-stop recently, some of them re-discovered from the dusty archives of my soundcloud likes (Tristeza by Empress Of) and some more recent findings. Once that's good to go, settle down for a slightly rocky journey through my ponderings of the moment...
There are three main themes in my life right now.
Firstly, cleansing, as demonstrated by this post's title. I am, metaphorically, burning the letters by my bed - along with the posters, the old CDs, the blogs I no longer have any interest in, the clothes I never want to look at again.... I'm purging all the stuff that drags along stale connotations and unwanted memories.
Secondly, inspiration. Every film I watch, every party I go to, every image I scroll past on tumblr turns some small switch in my brain, bringing about a whole flurry of invention and aspiration. I don't think I've ever made more plans and dreams in my entire life. Getting rid of what I don't need anymore has made so much room in my life for the new and the exciting.
And, finally, transformation. For every ten ideas fluttering around inside my head, on of them makes a real impact on my thoughts and actions. With every day, I'm a slightly different person - which ultimately brings me closer to who I really feel has been inside me all along. The other day I looked in the mirror and saw, for the first time ever, the person I expected to see. This is me becoming ever more me, ever more what I desire and hope for.
My art, in particular, has changed a lot. These three images are some of the more abstract, photographic work I've been creating recently. I sometimes feel a pang of sadness for the pencil studies and sweet linework I used to base my art around but, overall, I'm loving the cleanliness and direct emotion of my new pieces. Not to say that I've completely discarded the traditional stuff - art GCSE has kept me going with observational studies and oil paintings. Plus, my portrait project is still ticking over on tumblr! (hint hint promo promo)
Transforming as a person is great because I feel so free to do whatever I feel like. So far, this has manifested mainly in becoming unafraid of saying 'rad' and 'chill' and using multiple exclamation marks all the time!!!! But, seriously, my confidence is through the roof. Or would be, if it had previously been somewhere around ground level. I'll admit it's been more of a journey from the basement to the top floor. That seems to be plenty confidence, however, to wear whatever the hell I want to on my body and face, which makes for quite a few interesting selfies and outfit pictures which I promise to share with you later.
Transforming can be a lonely business, however, if the people you've built your life around aren't joining in the metamorphosis. While those I spend time with at the moment are perfectly lovely, none of them really share my interests. Which is fine when we're having a laugh at school/chilling in the park/getting drunk at someone's house, but what do I do when I need to take someone to a zine launch or an indie film screening or any festival other than Reading? (not that I'd refuse a ticket to Reading, you understand. Would definitely not refuse a ticket to Reading). So, uh, if there are any lonely London teens out there: I am now taking applications for super cool bezzies. Or even mediocre bezzies. I'll take anyone.
Well... this has been a little serious, and a little long, and a little ~weird~ but I'm still finding my feet what with having two blogs to deal with. Let me know what you think of what I'm doing here. Is it at all interesting to anyone other than me?
Anyhow, the longer I hold off posting this, the less likely it is to ever make it online, so here goes. Stay chill, sweet peas!