Letters Burning By My Bed

I've put together a wee mini-playlist for you to listen to while you read this - or any other time you feel like a little dose of subdued, slightly melancholic reflection. These are all tunes I've been chilling to non-stop recently, some of them re-discovered from the dusty archives of my soundcloud likes (Tristeza by Empress Of) and some more recent findings. Once that's good to go, settle down for a slightly rocky journey through my ponderings of the moment...
 

 

 

 There are three main themes in my life right now.

Firstly, cleansing, as demonstrated by this post's title. I am, metaphorically, burning the letters by my bed - along with the posters, the old CDs, the blogs I no longer have any interest in, the clothes I never want to look at again.... I'm purging all the stuff that drags along stale connotations and unwanted memories.

Secondly, inspiration. Every film I watch, every party I go to, every image I scroll past on tumblr turns some small switch in my brain, bringing about a whole flurry of invention and aspiration. I don't think I've ever made more plans and dreams in my entire life. Getting rid of what I don't need anymore has made so much room in my life for the new and the exciting.

 

And, finally, transformation. For every ten ideas fluttering around inside my head, on of them makes a real impact on my thoughts and actions. With every day, I'm a slightly different person - which ultimately brings me closer to who I really feel has been inside me all along. The other day I looked in the mirror and saw, for the first time ever, the person I expected to see. This is me becoming ever more me, ever more what I desire and hope for.

 

 

 My art, in particular, has changed a lot. These three images are some of the more abstract, photographic work I've been creating recently. I sometimes feel a pang of sadness for the pencil studies and sweet linework I used to base my art around but, overall, I'm loving the cleanliness and direct emotion of my new pieces. Not to say that I've completely discarded the traditional stuff - art GCSE has kept me going with observational studies and oil paintings. Plus, my portrait project is still ticking over on tumblr! (hint hint promo promo)

 

 

 Transforming as a person is great because I feel so free to do whatever I feel like. So far, this has manifested mainly in becoming unafraid of saying 'rad' and 'chill' and using multiple exclamation marks all the time!!!! But, seriously, my confidence is through the roof. Or would be, if it had previously been somewhere around ground level. I'll admit it's been more of a journey from the basement to the top floor. That seems to be plenty confidence, however, to wear whatever the hell I want to on my body and face, which makes for quite a few interesting selfies and outfit pictures which I promise to share with you later.

 

 

Transforming can be a lonely business, however, if the people you've built your life around aren't joining in the metamorphosis. While those I spend time with at the moment are perfectly lovely, none of them really share my interests. Which is fine when we're having a laugh at school/chilling in the park/getting drunk at someone's house, but what do I do when I need to take someone to a zine launch or an indie film screening or any festival other than Reading? (not that I'd refuse a ticket to Reading, you understand. Would definitely not refuse a ticket to Reading). So, uh, if there are any lonely London teens out there: I am now taking applications for super cool bezzies. Or even mediocre bezzies. I'll take anyone.

 

Well... this has been a little serious, and a little long, and a little ~weird~ but I'm still finding my feet what with having two blogs to deal with. Let me know what you think of what I'm doing here. Is it at all interesting to anyone other than me?

 

Anyhow, the longer I hold off posting this, the less likely it is to ever make it online, so here goes. Stay chill, sweet peas!

 

You Can Spin Your Own Story And All Of The World Will Adore You

Alright. I give up. It's time to admit that it's been nearly a month and my 'special project' still isn't ready. This is partly because my camera had a major crisis, partially because I had a major crisis, and partly because I'm a lazy human being. Anyway, my excuses don't matter too much - I have plenty of things I can tell you in the meantime. A whole month's worth of things. Which is a lot of things so, uh, long post warning. Take a big breath and put on some calming music and power through, guys, it'll be worth it. Maybe.

So here are some things I like right now:




















Clockwise from top left. I've been hunting for a good audition monologue. This means buying a truckload of plays - about two of which ever end up having useful pieces in them. However, since my parents consider plays a necessary expense, I'm not complaining about a multitude of new reading material. Some might find it a bit weird  to read plays in the same way that you would books, but the only real difference is that you get more direction about how to imagine a scene - which we all do anyway, when reading books. Here are: 'The Effect' by Lucy Prebble, which concerns the fate of a romance based on chemicals alone; Naomi Iizuka's 'Polaroid Stories', a mashed up collection of ancient myth and street legends; and 'Circle Mirror Transformation' by Annie Baker, who writes fantastic plays about seemingly innocuous situations that any of us could find ourselves in. 'The Aliens' (not pictured) is another of hers that is possibly my favourite play of all time.

I went nuts on finding out that my parents had bought me a Dazed And Confused magazine subscription, and the first edition to arrive got me even more excited. It's called 'Girls Rule The World' , so my love for it is hardly a surprise. It focuses particularly on powerful and talented women like Lupita Nyong'o (oh lord how can she be that beautiful), Amandla Stenberg (babe) and Rookie gals Tavi and Petra, who are good god bloody amazing and inspirational. Dazed and Confused is hardly the most mainstream mag there is, but it's still nice to see recognition of all these amazing - and amazingly diverse - women in a publication that quite a lot of people read.

Next up is 'S.' by JJ Abrams and Doug Dorst. This is, in my opinion, more a piece of art or a literary experience than a book - the pages of  'Ship Of Theseus', written by the fictional V.M. Straka, are filled with handwritten notes, postcards, letters and newspaper cuttings that tell the story of a conversation between two curious readers. Being a complete book nerd, noticing details like library stamps and torn pages nearly made me cry with happiness. Miraculously, I've managed to hold off starting to actually read it until I have time to sit down and get stuck in.

The Pigma Micron pen is the light of my life at the moment. I use it for nearly all my journal entries. It manages to turn drawing lines into some kind of wonderful treat.

Next to it is another line drawing tool, only this one is meant for eyes. Black eyeliner makes any day better, no joke.

Valrhona Noir Guanaja chocolate is a total dream of fruity delection, but I would never buy something that ridiculously expensive for myself - three cheers for my granny!

These delicate H. S. Samuels silver hoop earrings are the only jewellery I ever wear, save for a few rings. They make me feel instantly fierce, even if I'm still in jogging bottoms and a bra...

I'm only just starting to find my feet with Dr P.H. Martin's Black Bombay India ink, but I get the feeling it'll be fabulous.

The Konstruktor camera that I got for Christmas was both a delight and a frustration to make and, despite the tricksy top viewfinder, I really enjoy using it. Because I'm new to analogue photography, and because the camera isn't perfectly made, it's all a bit of experimentation and I'm stoked to see how the photos turn out - if they exist, and I haven't completely failed to make a piece of working machinery. *deep breaths*

Finally, music is such a massive part of my life that I have literally removed all information from my facebook account that doesn't relate to bands. I have no regrets whatsoever. These white Bluetooth headphones aren't perfect, but they're pretty good for under £20, and they look spiffy. I can now dance practically anywhere without anyone hearing what I'm listening to - and yes, that is exactly why I bought them.

Speaking of music, there are three very important, sad, musical men in my life right now. The first is Sivu, who you'll know about if you've read any of my previous music posts, and whose music I fall asleep to on every troubled night. Listen to anything from his 'Bodies' album and be amazed. The second is Keaton Henson, a tremulous and beautifully disillusioned singer and artist who is as withdrawn as he is talented. Listen to 'Corpse Roads' or 'Lying to you' if want twinkly, slightly depressing honesty. For something more light-hearted... actually, I'm pretty sure depressing honesty is all Henson does. But he's very good at it. Finally, Tom Rosenthal is a recent (meaning: yesterday) discovery of mine. The fact that he soulfully rendered Eiffel 65's 'Blue', the least soulful song ever created, says a lot about how great he is. Also, he offers bespoke songs. Just listen to any and all of his music. Right now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, there's more.

I watched Ginger and Rosa recently, and expected a lot from it. It delivered. Elle Fanning is one of the most beautiful humans on earth even when bawling her eyes out - totally not fair, but still amazing. The film was perfectly shot, and the characterization was on point. Even the music was top stuff - but then, it is set in the sixties. Now I want red hair and a movement to fight for. And stripy pyjamas and a derelict house full of artists. Or I'll be Elle Fanning.

 

Below are all the journal entries I have made since the last ones. This is by far the best journal I have ever had; it's really precious to me, and there is absolutely nothing in there that I regret creating. I guess that means I've moved forward as an artist? Who knows.

 

And there we finish! If you've read this far, your brain is made of iron and I applaud you for that. See you, hopefully soon. And if you especially want to see me and hear me all the time, 24/7, then just follow me on tumblr. That's it. Cool.

Waiting for the fires you light

I'm meant to be revising for *groan* very very important exams, so here's a quick art post for you. The photos below are from my new art journal - I have several journals: one for just original art, one for thoughts and doodles, one for poems, etc. You might wonder why I chose to use a lined notebook for my arty stuff, but I somehow like the look of it better. There are also a couple lines/poems from my own head, and some from songs I like.

 

 

If you have any questions about journaling or any particular pieces, feel free to ask in the comments or by email. You can also see these all on my tumblr. My journals offer real comfort and therapy for me, and I would really recommend anybody reading this to start one. I'm always pushed for time, but even a few minutes furiously sketching, or scribbling, or blobbing paint around makes me feel 100x better. And, one final note - your journal doesn't have to be amazing all the time! Sometimes you'll feel creative and inspired, and sometimes you'll feel like an artless potato, but you can always create something. That something is never worthless.

 

I hope that was somehow interesting or inspiring, and good luck with everything you're doing this week. I will sure need some of my own...

xxx